To start this conversation click on the link below and smile https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vqbk9cDX0l0
The desire for connection and what other people think is a normal natural part of being human.
So is it such a bad thing to not give a f**k??
It can only be a bad thing when you become addicted to approval.
What do I mean by addicted? When it becomes imbalanced.
If you care so much about what others may be thinking of you, you start to not be true to yourself. This is where the imbalance starts: so how can you possibly create if you are constantly caring about what other people say and think about you?
Surely, the goal should be to share and inspire, not care about what other people think? You want to put what you do out in to the world. Not be confined by other people’s ideals and attitudes.
Not easy to do I know – especially difficult in the beginning, but the more you not give a f**k, the easier it becomes and the easier it is to hear the rejection and learn from it.
When we have self-belief we appreciate, value and accept ourselves; we have self-confidence and we feel we can take on the world. This is what we all strive for. Right?
So why do people care about what people think?
For thousands of years we have been herd animals. We want to stick with our herd for safety.
Times have changed, yet our operating system has stayed the same, where we don’t have to worry about being eaten by a saber toothed tiger….. But we as humans still have that same basic instinct. That same instinct of worrying if our herd will look after us in times of trouble. That same care of rejection.
We are a long way from our distant relatives but we continue to seek out acceptance from anonymous strangers on the internet, friends and family. Why? Because it makes us feel safe & protected.
It’s natural to feel like this.
I believe we all have two voices at any point in our lives- the voice that says ““You’re not good enough. You’re nothing compared to these people around you…” To “You’re worthy. You’re good enough. You’re just as valuable as anyone else.”
The idea is to turn this around by finding something you can appreciate about yourself and ask “Do I want other people’s opinion to have power over me?”
I think many of you as actors are missing self-approval due to the amount of knockbacks you get in your work. This can be the greatest downfall for actors as it creates that imbalance I was talking about earlier.
When we spend our time worrying about what others think, it hurts our chances of taking action on the important things in our lives. How many great ideas were never actioned because you were worried about what other people think?
If you let people stop your inherent crazy ideas, your musings, your writings, your thoughts – then they win!
I’ve found the only real solution is not giving a f**k!
So how easy is it to not give a f**k?
Here are 7 quick tips to help:
- Ignore all destructive criticism and don’t internalize what other peoples opinion may be. After all, it is just an opinion!
- Watch your spoken word. Whatever you say about others is what you want others to say about you. Be kind. Be generous!
- What are your good points? If you’re unsure ask a trusted friend and nurture their words.
- Stop putting everyone else above you. You are as important as they are.
- Do not let others weaken your ambition or your drive.
- Get focused about what you are doing right and what you have rather than what you don’t have.
- Find a likeminded friend and get together to celebrate each other’s successes and laugh about the struggles you both face.
Will fear of rejection ever go away? Possibly not, but the longer it goes on, the easier it gets to control it and the less it ceases to dictate to you.
The more consistent you are to your true self, the easier it gets. It’s a matter of establishing your true values and appreciating your uniqueness.
There is a great book I’ve come across lately by Jason Zook called “Own your weird”. It teaches you to own your own unique weird and work on your own terms.
Perfect for any actor.